I felt a deep, urgent longing just to be beside her, because she is the universe’s embodiment of divine grace and love. Due to the massive inner expansion, the body couldn’t keep up fast enough and as what naturally occurs, i had fever, flu and cough arise after touch-down back in Singapore. And amidst my rising fever, bad flu and cough I wrote a song from the intense longing.
Not a very good idea, i know(especially when i’m only 2 months old on the guitar). But I was just strumming chords and the words started coming out of my mouth while i was in camp. I had to write it down and started attaching chords to it.
I was very confused with the longing I felt and Amara laughed when i told her. She had experienced the exact longing when she first met her real deepest gurus, she wrote about how white their teeth were, how nice their skin was, and all of that. And she guided that it was my own longing for my union with my own divinity. That even with my heart expansion I needed to learn to trust in my own guidance and divinity in a different, much larger way than before. I’m so thankful she guided me through all of it, and the longing went away after standing in my own fullness.
I had a lot of fun writing and singing the song(and confusion), but here it is, when i was getting really high from all the sickness and fever, bear with me for its rawness or cover your ears:
Whats this feeling inside me
Your beauty so entrancing
Oh, i’m so lost in you
If only I was older, I’d bring you flowers everyday
See the sunshine from your face
It’s the way you look when I look your way
Oh, I’m so lost in you
It’s the way you feel, its the way you smell
My hearts all warm when its you
And in my longing-induced clarity i penned the following into my notebook:
My entire being longs and hungers for you.
Simply because you are the living embodiment and expression of all that is within me.
My soul longs for my body to be the way you are, free, fearless.
My soul longs for me to put my mind aside and be the way you are, always in brimming joy, singing, dancing, moving any way that you want.
My soul longs to be expressing and being in its totality, loving without any fear, powerful and all-encompassing.
I long for you because I’m afraid if you leave, that living embodiment of what’s within disappears and I would forget about how it feels like.
I long for you because with you around I always feel I’m home.
I long for you because a big part of me sees you as outside of me.
It forgets that you’re in me as I am in you, as are we all.
It forgets that within me is the whole you.
It forgets and blinds that you are how I’ll inevitably become, as all open, loving, compassionate hearts do.
It forgets that because we are all One and eternally connected that I am already whole.
There is no with or without you.
You are me and I am you.
Your beauty is me and my strength is you.
All melts together into Oneness. All part of the whole.
My heart feels lighter reminded of these.
That you are always with me.
I am whole and I am free.
Amara I love you and I love me.
My heart feels clear and my feet feels sure.
Amara my eternal dear.