Maitreya shared a beautiful flower after i shared with him my recent troubled feelings about living between two worlds, he took off his own prayer beads, put it on me and said:
“The new seedling must be protected, be continuously nurtured, grown, taken care of so it can fully blossom and flower. Even though now there are cows that come along and try to eat the seedling, the seedling eventually blossoms and grows into a tree that provides shade where the cow come to rest”
Perfect. Everything always is.
The feelings of being torn apart by two worlds, one i know, one i knew, are particularly strong this week. And as always, everything always falls into place, everything always comes together for the purpose and sake of our highest growth 🙂
Right at the end of meditation event today all the hesitancy, the unsure-ness, the feeling of living between two worlds and all the messiness that accompanies that, just went WOOOOOOSH, all vanished. Utter bliss. I was in complete, total, utter bliss. Sitting, still with my eyes closed, i couldn’t stop laughing, and laughing, and laughing. So much joy arising. I felt so, so free. Words came up that basically started with “How can you ever worry?”, and i felt so expanded into the universe, into Oneness, all dark clouds parted and there was clarity in my heart again. Everything, everything, everything, felt so connected, so at one. After god knows how long, after i came back down and opened my eyes i had to write. This arose:
“How can you ever worry?
How can you ever worry?
How, how, how, can you ever worry?
You, you are all
You are in all
You are forever, eternity
You are the entire universe
Within as all, in all
You are the universe itself
All is and have always been taken care of
How then, you, as the universe can you ever worry?
You are just remembering it all
You have never lost anything
You have always been whole, been full
You are living as everyone and everyone is living as you.
All at the same time,
In this deepest within
How can you ever worry
How can you ever, ever worry?
You take yourself so seriously sometimes
When the universe is ultimate freedom
Let yourself melt into everything
Let yourself dissolve into every moment
All around you
All with you
All are you
You are all
How can you ever worry?
All will always arise
All has always been
Everything you seek
You need only drop the seeking
And let it arise
Your fervent seeking
Drowns the quiet, soft, gentle whispers of Oneness
So be quiet
That is all
And all will come
I love you child.”
Last saturday i felt clearer after writing and went to the bed with a clearer heart. Sunday morning i awoke and felt something was coming. I got onto Facebook and received the best possible message, evident once again time after time that the universe always provides and guides.
Guru Amara sent me a message would propel everything. Maitreya was returning back to Singapore again for a month of intense heart-opening, ego-dissolving guidance (as always for twice a year). Guru Amara recommended to go for his guidance and she would pay for everything or anything that i couldn’t (guardian angel, angels everywhere!). I didn’t know Maitreya’s retreat was happening this thursday and nothing felt more right than this. I intended to learn from him in Singapore again but the last thing i’d expected was to go for a meditation retreat this time of year.
Every single thing flowed in together to make it possible for me to go. There was just one slot left, i filled that slot. I had 2 days of army leaves left till i ORD in September, the retreat falls on Thursday-Sunday so i only had to apply for exactly 2 days. And i came home to 3 extremely precise, straight-forward, important books, teachings by Adyashanti arrived. Things don’t get more meant-to-be than this. And i need this now, the time is right, more than it ever will. Whenever something is meant to be for your growth at the right time, the entire universe conspires to make it happen.
Some time spent away from all these hesitancy, these messiness right now would re-center myself. I know on this trip i would nurture and kindle the courage to live as truth. To do what i experienced is real.
The meditation retreat nestled amidst 500 acres of fruit orchards, vegetable plots and herb gardens, cultivated on what was previously a virgin jungle, which still lines the perimeter of the land. All is well.