dance

“As we love, we shall be released from pain, and as we deny love, we shall remain in pain. By letting past go, we create miracles. Only love is real. Nothing else actually exists.”

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday and felt a great responsibility to share. Everyone experiences this in their lifetime, and everyone with a different reaction. I can never say “You should do this, or do that”, but the purpose of this site is a hope that through my own humanness and Life experiences that you can gain something, however miniscule from it.

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I carry a personal notebook around to pen thoughts, and as of yesterday I discovered my previous partner has a new partner. I penned it down and here it is below. Throughout all the emotions there were 2 greatest lessons that I’ve learnt that kept resounding through me in that moment (And quite literally throughout my life) and they are my lifetime mentor Amber dear’s “The only ‘sane’ thing to do after you have a physical separation from your partner is by sending loving thoughts, gratitude and well-wishes from your heart. And send prayers and kindness. Only through that will you be at peace. You cannot give what you don’t have, what you do to others you do to yourself”.

And Marianne Williamson’s book “A Return to Love” lessons about pure love, relationships and the heart. I have got about 80% of pages dog-earred and underlined for important learnings. That one book have given me so, so much beyond belief. And she is also the one who came up with that popular quote mentioned in Coach Carter:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Everyone and anyone has so much to gain and learn from the book, it is liberating, to the point and filled with so much resonating heartfelt truth. And from everything that the World has taught me it culminated to the results of my reactions below. And before you carry on I just want to thank you, for reading this, and for being you:

It was made known to be yesterday that my previous girlfriend has a new partner. I felt waves of emotions and my inner feeling was right after all. For about 2 months now I have been having an increasing nudge within that tells me she has. It began one night with a sudden sense of…perhaps sadness. And as the week went by it felt like the world was trying to tell me something. It felt like the world was preparing me.

Through the waves of mixed emotions I also felt relief. I felt a great need to release the emotions and return to heart space. I am eternally grateful to be in camp when this happened. A dear friend’s unassuming quiet strength, openness and brotherly understanding aided me in returning to my heart space. I felt deeply that boxing pad work needed to be done and before we began, prayers arose from my heart. The pad work felt like it needed to be done in a loving, well-wishing way and not in anger and jealousy. It needed to be a heart felt loving release. Through exhaustion and release from pent-up emotions due to boxing, the walls within came crumbling down and the masks and shields broke wide open. To allow the heart to open. To let the light shine through, to let light in. Bringing myself to exhaustion was necessary so that ego dissolves away and all that remains is no-mind and an obvious, strong connection to the heart. And only by functioning from that point is it ‘sane’.

Much came to me when I lay down. I opened my arms wide and asked for the universe to take away all that is false and guide me home. And the following came in a flow, though now as I pen it I am merely writing what I can remember. Immense peace arose from the deepest understanding. Here it is:

“There is sadness within me. There is hurt and pain within me. There is anger within me. There is jealousy within me. Wait…truth is, the only emotion that is happening is jealousy. Every other emotions are stemming from jealousy. It is merely jealousy disguised as other emotions. But I am not the jealousy. I am beyond. It is the ego’s jealousy, and I am not ego. The ego is jealous and runs many things through me. Things such as ‘That was pertty quick she found a new partner’, ‘All that we had shared and went through are now replaced by this guy’. And such. As my deepest self recognizes that it’s the work of the ego, immediately a deeper, stronger presence came in.

The world gifted me guidance and spoke through my heart to me, ‘Why are you feeling pain, hurt, anger and jealousy? The ego is jealous because subtly it feel as though the ‘ownership’ of her is gone. That is the utterly brutal honest truth. That is why people feel jealous when this happens. But remember, nothing is lost just because she has a new partner now. Nothing has been affected, nothing has changed. You are not lesser. All that joy you shared with her and that part of Life lived together served its purpose. It is beautiful.

Now the world wants this chapter for her and for him. This new relationship is what they need most at this point of their lives to grow the most. And he has done you no wrong. He is a good man, the son of his parents, the brother of his siblings, the dear friend of his friends. And most of all, he is a brother of the world. You are in him as much as he is in you. There is no separation.”

And from my heart many words of heartfelt gratitude came pouring out and I wrote it down. And I felt such great need to convey it to him that I followed my heart and did. And rather than repeating it twice,Β  this is what I wrote to him in a message:

“Hi YW :), this will be my one and only message to you for obvious reasons and I’m sure you can understand that it would serve best for it to only be for your eyes.

As of yesterday I am informed that she has a new partner and I couldn’t be happier and relieved.

I know that no meetings are accidental and the world will always put two people together who can learn the most from one another. My time of learning with her have been completed, thus there was a need for physical separation.

There’s a few things I want to convey to you. Thank you so much for opening her heart again when there was hurt regrettably caused during the separation. Thank you so much for rekindling the joy within her again. Thank you so much for shining your light into her world. Because you are in her life right now that i know there can be no man more suited for her than you. I have made peace long ago but never felt a complete closure. It feels like I’ve been waiting for a long, long time just to know she’s well taken care of. And I know you’d do excellent, and love her in a way I couldn’t or didn’t. If the both of you ever come into complete, full unison and get married, I would be very happy for you both.

I have experienced much of life with her and learnt extremely much about pure love and the world and am eternally grateful. In our short 1.5 years we feel like we’ve lived a full lifetime. I know she’s an absolutely divine, wonderful wonderful girl with so much to offer and give and the both of you will create heaven on earth.

I know that in your own quiet strength you’ll lead both of you to great heights. My heart will always remember you fondly and gratefully. Thank you, thank you so much brother of the world.

At deepest peace. At last.”

Relationships are eternal but finally, it feels like everything concerning her have come to a full complete closure. I am at deep peace knowing she is well taken care of.

I feel a deep calling lately. The world have been preparing me so much for what i am to become and do, and I know there will be so much more. Thank you world, for giving me these gifts of lessons. Truly, some of the greatest lessons in pure love was learnt from the physical separation. World, thank you for every single experience. Lord, i know you will guide me home, always. It feels like I have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. To know she’s well taken care of.

At peace. At last.

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